Mario and Sonic


The Battle: Part 02 is the thirteenth and final episode of Season 2 on Sonic For Hire, as well as the twenty-sixth episode in the series.


Time for Sonic for a battle royal.


  • Narrator: When we last left Sonic his life was in grave danger, because he almost ate slightly wilted baby spinach! (pause) Oh, and Mario wants to kill him or something like that. I—I—I don't know. (cut to Sonic's house)
  • Sonic: Come on, can we talk about this?
  • Mario: No. You fucked up my business, let my brother get hit by a bus, and worst of all, some how you managed to program my DVR so it records each episode of Bachelor Pad like 3 different times.
  • Sonic: I thought you liked that show!
  • 'Tails: Yeah, that was me. I—I like that show.
  • Sonic: That show was terrible, and so are you.
  • Mario: Okay, that's it, that's it! Various goons! (dramatic song plays) It's murderin' time! (Eggman, Kirby, and Gilius Thunderhead crush the walls by appearance, and Earthworm Jim opens the door to get in)
  • Eggman: Not so fast, Mario!
  • Sonic: Guys, easy on the wall-smashing. I'm gonna lose my deposit. And what the hell are you doing, here?
  • Eggman: Well, I reallized that if you die, my life is meaningless.
  • Sonic: (laughs) That's so pathetic.
  • Eggman: Aw, fuck you, asshole! LET'S RUMBLE!! (Gilius runs up, and kills Pit; everyone charges up for a battle; Sonic battles Mario by punching; Jim whips at Bowser, and the monster chases after the worm; Sonic and Mario are rolling around the floor, throwing punches; throws a beer jug at Blanka) Eat shit, Matt le Blanka! Oh, fu—! (Blanka shocks at Eggman; Kirby kills Mecha-Hitler with his umbrella, and he swallows Taizo Hori; Tails grabs Dr. Wily and throws him against the wall; Sonic and Mario keep fighting; Mike Tyson trys to kill Sonic, but Soniqua rips Tyson's body apart, and then he eats him)
  • Sonic: Soniqua! (kicks Mario off and runs away)
  • Mario: Get back here! (follows Sonic while Gilius kills Dracula and yells for victory; Jim kills Bowser with his ray gun, swirls it in the air, and blasts himself; cut to Green Hill Zone)
  • Sonic: Ow. (sighs) Cramp in here. (grunts)
  • Mario: Not as fast as you used to be, eh, Sonic?
  • Sonic: Yeah, (grunts) I was planning to go back to the gym on Monday… after you kill me.
  • Mario: (pulls out a knife while another dramatic song plays) Shing!
  • Sonic: Whoa! Since when do you carry a knife?!
  • Mario: What am I supposed to do? Jump on your head? It's a fuckin' knife, I'm gonna stab you with it.
  • Sonic: (runs to the right, hits a spring, runs back and bumps into Mario, sending him into spikes and causing him to grunt) Oh, ho, ho, you might wanna put some Neosporin on that. Those spikes are filthy!
  • Mario: (grunts; sad song called Sadness and Happiness plays) You son of a bitch. Why is this thing, here? These don't occur in nature. If I had some extra lives, I would use them all to fuck you up so bad. If you see the princess, tell her… tell her I said… She's a bitch!… (dies as a doornail; Tails, Eggman, Soniqua, and Jim show up)
  • Tails: Uh, I think this means you're the boss now. (cut to the office; Sonic is now the boss) All right, so, what's your 1st order of business?
  • Sonic: Well, I figured since poster was destroyed, I thought I'd find a suitable replacement. So, I found Dominique Wilkins and had him frozen in carbonite. (Sonic and Tails looks at Dominique Wilkins frozen in carbonite)
  • Tails: This should be interesting.